Triumph

Sometimes managers react badly after criticism. Milner’s captain Gallagher certainly falls into this category. Despite a convincing win against GT5 the week before, protests have continued in Vauxhall ever since star academy product George Gould was allowed to leave the club. The relationship between Gallagher, the press and Milner’s fanbase reached rock bottom at this week’s pre-match press conference.

‘Youse is f*cking idiots! What kind of question is that? You know sod all about football! How many did we win by last week?’ roared Gallagher when questioned on his selection policies. ‘Alex Ferguson never had to put up with this sh*te!’

Fortunately for Stockwell’s angriest footballer, his boys were on hand to rescue their beleaguered captain. Milner gave Manning FC a brutal 7-2 tanning.

Sadly for readers of this column, Gallagher’s ongoing disputes with the press have resulted in this publication being banned from attending matches. From what can be unearthed, Milner conceded early. Eyewitnesses have indicated that lionhearted defending prevented Manning from building on their lead. After that, the Big White Machine took over. Neville, Grew and Gallagher established some much needed dominance, whilst Bisley and Wor JJ added bite upfront.

Nevertheless, rumour has it that a number of sublime goals were scored. Those lucky enough to get a ticket describe in hushed tones how the Artist Formerly Known As Fred calmly dribbled through the defence, faked the goalie, and then contemptuously chipped the ball into the top corner over the sprawled body of his defeated opposition. A long-range howitzer from Beech has also been nominated for goal of the month, hammered in by Milner’s favourite skinhead with outside of his right foot. Gallagher redeemed himself somewhat in the eyes of the Milner faithful by contributing another hatful of goals, cutting past defenders as if they weren’t there.

The boys were tough, clinical, and ultimately handed out a battering. Some good news: three points were enough to warm Gallagher’s heart. The press are back from next week.